Broken
by TheSpydersArgon
Summary: Joe’s POV when he first met Barry as Savitar face-to-face in 3x22.


**This story is about how I think Joe was thinking when Savitar kidnapped Iris in 3x22. I hope you enjoy!**

I have seen a lot in my life, but this is the one thing I had always feared. That the darkness in Barry's life would consume him. That he would lose all hope and he would fall into an inescapable void of never ending pain. Now I realize that all my fears have come true. I see that now as clear as I see Savitar standing over my daughter.

We had tried to escape to Earth-2, but he somehow found out we were here. I had hope. I never should have had hope. It's the most dangerous thing of all, yet the thing that keeps up sane. And somehow, just somehow, Barry of all people lost what is most valuable to many. That's what broke me.

I see the young man I raised standing not five feet away from me, the one that brought me so much joy, but all I could feel now was fear. Whether it be fear for my daughters life or fear of knowing that that's how much darkness is held in Barry's soul. I've seen that firsthand, I've seen the pain and anger that Barry has, but it's nothing like this. This man is broken beyond fix. I didn't want it to be true, this isn't what Barry would be if he didn't have light. But somehow in my heart, I know that this is what Barry could be.

"Oh god it's really true," I said hesitantly. I wanted to run and hold Barry in a hug and tell him everything's okay, but I couldn't move. To know that he's capable of killing us all in seconds without regret is what made me paralyzed. I didn't think Barry would ever be capable of that.

"Yes it is," he smirked, "aim that gun at me and I'll kill you," he said looking to Wells. Wells lowered his gun and Savitar just smiled at him. But it wasn't a good smile, it was the kind that made you want to run for your life. I can't run from this.

"Listen to me," I said while showing I put the gun away, I could feal the tears in my eyes. "You were my son once." I couldn't stop looking into his eyes. They were so broken. So dark. I absentmindedly put my hands up to guard myself. I shouldn't have to do this with my son, I shouldn't be scared, but I am.

"Oh."

"Whatever I did to make you feel this way, I'm sorry." He just chuckled. The laugh I had heard so many times, now seemed so scornful and insincere. When he looked me in the eyes all I could see was hate. This wasn't time to try and protect Ba- Savitar, when he's the nearly unstoppable one. I needed to protect my baby. Iris is all that matters.

"Please, Barry," I begged.

"No, that's not my name." _No it is! I wanted to scream that. He's Barry. He's the man who brightened a room when he walked in. He's the man who endured so much pain in his life, but somehow his smile was always brighter than his soul. He's the man who I raised and loved dearly with all my heart. Yet it wasn't._

"Barry."

"That's not my name!" I can't fix him. He's not Barry. There's no way. He's Savitar. I can't let this effect me because my Barry is still here. And happy, Well, happy compared to Savitar.

"Please! Stop, okay? I will go with you, just please, do not kill them," Iris begged. The fact that she had to beg Barry to not kill us what told me he was beyond broken, he was lost. Gone forever. I couldn't imagine how much pain Iris must be in right now.

Savitar laughed.

"I'm not going to kill them now. They... need to watch you die first."

"Baby, no." No no no no no. This isn't happening, no.

"Dad, it's okay." **NO IT'S NOT.** None of this is okay.

"Oh, look, Joe. She's accepted her fate," he looked to Iris. She hasn't accepted her fate, she's just trying to put on a strong façade, she gets that from me. "You should too."

Before I could respond, I heard the whoosh of a speedster and turned to see Iris gone, along with Barr- no Savitar. I turned to Harry as he ran to Wally. But I couldn't move. If anything happened to Iris, I didn't care if he was my son once. I will kill him. And I won't hesitate. That's when I saw Barry run into the room. The real Barry.

"He took her."

"He..." Barry walked forward and I almost stepped back. _Almost_. Now all I can see in Barry, the real Barry, is how broken he is. Now that I saw that purely, it was almost hard to miss.

I could hear Wally from the other room, yelling that he should have done better. I heard Barry's responses, his voice. I know it's Barry but all I hear is Savitar, all I will ever see in Barry again is Savitar. Barry walked out of the room and HR continued to apologize. That's when he started walking closer to me and for a second my heart stopped. Then I remembered that it's _just Barry._

"So what now?"

"Now we go to Infantino Street. We know exactly where Savitar'a gonna be and when."

"Is the bazooka ready?"

"I've loaded the power source onto the device..." This was all lost on me, but something snapped me back, "Savitar in the speed force. We'll be on standby in case it fails."

"It won't fail. It won't fail. It's ready."

"You didn't have that the last time, so we have the upper hand now." I didn't even notice that I was clenching my fists until now.

"You figure out what your plan is. I can't be here to know any of it. You know where I'll be." He looked at me again and I immediately averted my eyes. I couldn't look at him again. I couldn't see the pain in them. Or maybe I just didn't want to see the truth.

I wish I could take away everything that happened to Barry, all the bad. But I can't. That darkness is with him forever and that's what scares me more than anything I have ever experienced, that is my biggest fear.

 **Wow. Okay. That was really sad to write honestly. I rewatch that scene all the time and I never fail to notice how Joe reacts to Savitar. Sorry if it was very dark and heavy, but that's truly how I think how would think about all of this. I honestly wrote this in about an hour because I got a burst to write randomly. I'm also sorry about not updating my other stories, I just was stupid and started writing them all at once and so they're all coming along. Just very slowly. I hope you enjoyed! Please leave a review and tell me what you think!**


End file.
